


It's okay

by littletechiebird



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-30
Updated: 2012-03-30
Packaged: 2017-11-02 18:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littletechiebird/pseuds/littletechiebird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it’s not the easiest to realize when you’ve finally started to get it right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's okay

Going into things, he’d had the best intentions at heart. Then again, most people do. When looking for a relationship — stepping beyond that one night stand, or the occasional fling — that’s how somebody has to be thinking. Make the resolution to look for someone who is going to want the same things. Make the resolution to settle down if it’s right, if the person is right, and stay. 

Don’t run.

Make the resolution to stay. 

That’s the hardest part. It’s the one he’s struggled with all of his life. He’s good at disappearing, at running away. He knows what it’s like to be hurt, to be let down. Those with fancy titles or over inflated intelligence loves to remind him of an actual name for his “problem”, his instinct; “Abandonment issues”. It’s been pointed out time and time again. It’s not like he means to do it. 

Especially now. Not right now.

This was one moment where he really hadn’t wanted to.

It’s a mistake he’s made a million times before with various people. But this time… he’s making the mistake for what has to be at least a dozen times by now, at the expense of just one person. The same person who has dealt with it time and time again. His panic mechanism. His choice for flight in the moment of choice for fight or flight. Each time it happens, he knows its a mistake. He knows that he’s come to that solution as soon as he’s at this point during the dozen times he’s done this. Maybe not so much any of the times before, with any of the people before, but this was different. He was different. The man who was filled with as much fire as the color of his hair seemed to be. 

From the start he’d known that, or at least had been able to see just how different Axel was. Even after one night — and that had been a great night — he’d stuck around. He’d continued to call after that as well, and their relationship had become.. a lot more normal than he was used to. Dates, at night and during daylight. Simple things, more than just going out to the bar for a drink, or possibly way too many. The night rarely ended on the note, the story, he was used to, told between a set of sheets. Somewhere along the way, it had become more than that. 

In his mind, there had become a flawed sense of what a friendship was, and what a relationship was. The friendship part he’d had right, and that had taken a while for him to understand. That was a totally different, and quite off topic, story in the end. But the relationship aspect was different. In his mind, it was just the physical relationship, with just a little fun, where the person stuck around until he was boring, used up, or he made the move to run in stead when the expectations became unrealistic, or even in a few instances, dangerous to his being. Then again, he’d made the mistake of sticking around for too long one time on the subject of the later.. But still, that was another story that would still go far too off topic.

The point, that he had lost somewhere, was that Axel had strayed from every fear, every poor expectation. Just when he tried to convince himself that something bad was about to happen, that the world would drop from under his feet, Axel would do something to prove him wrong. The proof was undeniable each and every time, and maybe that was what had scared him most. Was that he couldn’t predict what was going to happen, when he was going to get hurt. His guard slipped through his fingers each and every time the redhead came around. He had the uncanny ability to disarm him with the least amount of effort, and possibly without knowing. It was frustrating, but more than that, it was terrifying. He didn’t know how to protect himself.

That was why he ran.

Running before he got hurt was the only option, wasn’t it? 

Each and every time it was the same, though. Shortly after he would realize his own stupidity, once the original panic — that had driven him to run to begin — with faded away, would be when his phone would buzz from his pocket, sounding off as he would pull it out to view. It was a text and it would always say the same thing.

‘Come back home, Rox.

I’ll be here waiting.’

But this time, there was something a little different. The text contained the same words, but with an added line.

‘Please stop running from me.’

It was so simple, but maybe what struck him most was that he could hear his voice in his head, saying those very words. The voice in his head was quiet. It was just a simple, soft, but pained tone that asked this simple thing of him. A voice that was tired, and maybe a little worried, but most of all, just hurt.

It made the breath catch in his throat and solidify there with his guilt. He wasn’t a person who was often ignorant, or overlooked much of anything. But this was quite the thing to overlook. Somehow, all this time, he’d missed that while he was expecting Axel to hurt him just like all the others, while he was running away to protect himself, he was doing to Axel what had been done to him. He was hurting the one person who had ever treated him with any kind of real love and kindness with the very things that had made him so unable to trust. No, it didn’t come just from his failed relationships, but it didn’t excuse anything he had done. Now, he had a new fear that was added with the scars he had been battling — what if he had already done too much damage?

Panic had never gotten him to move so quickly. This time his paranoia might have been doing him some kind of good. By the time he got back to the apartment, he was panicking, his hands shaking as he fumbled with the keys in his hands, dropping them a time or two. Before he managed to unlock and open the door himself, someone else was doing it for him. The door was swung out of the way, leaving Axel to stand in front of him in stead. Guilt had manifested in his stomach as a stone once more, making him swallow hard as he clenched his teeth. “I… I’m so—” But in stead of allowing him to continue, Axel wrapped his arms around the blonde and temporarily stole his lips for much better purposes. The blonde’s tense body began to relax as he wrapped his arms around him, fingers pressing into his back with a desperation and fear, all as a result of his guilt. He’d be stupid and he knew it. This was the first time in his life he’d ever felt so.. wanted.

That was something that neither of them could deny as they stumbled back into the apartment, kicking the door closed.

——————————

Despite exhaustion, he couldn’t allow himself to sleep. He just didn’t want to — not right now, not like this. He’d seen the way that the other had fought sleep, and he knew there were a few possible reasons as to why. But one stuck out with no remaining question as he watched the way the redhead’s brows knitted together, worried even in his dreams. 

He was horrible. He’d done something horrible and he knew that. 

All this time Axel had been trying to fix him, help him, get him to allow himself to heal.. He was trying to undo damage that he hadn’t been the one to inflict. But this was something he had done, and to someone that had been the last one to deserve it. 

He was done fighting. It was a ridiculous fight from the start. Even if he couldn’t figure out how to tell himself that this was something he deserved, or how to keep from getting nervous each and every time he was close to him, he would come to an answer. It was something that was going to happen eventually, but it wasn’t as if he was alone. Maybe that was okay. Maybe it was how it was supposed to be. Or maybe he was supposed to work to deserve him. He’d give him everything he had, let him take it all, because he wanted nothing more.

As blue eyes focused on the sleeping man before him, he wriggled closer to press his lips to the center of his brow, just where the lines of worry had surfaced in his sleep. It brought him to stir, but selfishly, that was just what he had wanted. Pressing his forehead to the others, he watched as eyes fluttered open. He seemed tired, half awake, but that was to be expected in the middle of the night. 

“Nn… Rox.. what’s wrong..?

The drawled speech made the blonde smirk, expression soft. They weren’t perfect, but no one ever was. 

“I won’t walk away anymore.” 

He’d woken him for a promise, staring him straight in the eye. He needed him to trust that he was being true, being sincere. From the look that came onto his face, waking him much faster than usual methods. 

“Never again. Not anymore.” He affirmed as he went on, watching the reaction he was earning. Axel’s expression of surprise had softened, and before he opened his mouth again to go on, Axel had moved to wrap his arms around him, pulling him on top of him. Roxas shifted to straddle his waist, arms crossed and resting over the other’s pale chest, resting his chin on top of his arms. Axel’s hands had settled at the small of his back. 

“So you’re all mine, huh?”

The question made Roxas smile, cheeks dusting with color, coupled with a light feeling in his chest. 

“All yours.”


End file.
